Web cover 1.png
FuMP logo.jpg
dem2da.JPG
Unknown.png
Both suits 1.png

LYRICS

 

MY ZAMBONI

Why did you have to say that?

Now I don't feel safe

OK so maybe it's true

but I still don't like it

I know I know what I know

yeah I took the classes 

I can't believe you disagree

you must be a bad person  

 

I'm gonna ride, ride, ride

in my Zamboni, Zamboni

I'm gonna leave this place and time

in my Zamboni, Zamboni

I’m gonna drive down Woodward avenue

in 1955

give those red neck, white bread, 

blue collar punks a piece of my mind


I am a fountain of truth

So educated
Those generations before 

were all just a bunch of

Monochrome jerky moron racists 

and I know that I’m right 

this thing on YouTube proves it

So I'm gonna go back

and set ‘em all straight

yes I am

 

I'm gonna ride, ride, ride

in my Zamboni, Zamboni

I'm gonna leave this place and time

in my Zamboni, Zamboni

Heading up Las Vegas boulevard in 1962

Tell those rat pack, sexist, misogynist creeps

a thing or two


Down here in New Orleans 

We're digging' our own scene

and we don't need you woke folk all down here

We don’t care about your plumbing

We don’t care about your race

So knock that crap off now
or we're gonna shove this clarinet up in your face 


“my Zamboni is an inter dimensional travel vehicle that

takes me back so I can tell folks in the past that they’re wrong”

 

I'm gonna ride, ride, ride

in my Zamboni, Zamboni

I'm gonna leave this place and time

in my Zamboni, Zamboni

Goin' west on sunset boulevard in 1941

inform those toxic, patriarchal cretins

that they’re done

 

In my Zamboni 
In my Zamboni

In my Zamboni 

my Zamboni! 

BLACKJACK

 

I swagger proud through the casino

Past the penny slots and keno

Got me a gig up here in Reno

Blackjack!

 

Never been much of a gambler

I drive a 67 Rambler

But my voice has an awesome timbre

Blackjack!

 

Everything is going great!
I sing for the seniors from 5 till 8

My fans say I sound just like Frank

Even when I'm tanked

 

I dream of one day playing the big rooms

With a big band in Vegas playing the big tunes

Hanging with the hep cats and the mob goons

Blackjack!

 

One day my agent got a phone call

Turns out old blue eyes took a bad fall

so they asked me to fill in, man don't that beat all now

Blackjack!

 

Oh I'm goin' to Vegas baby!

 

Yeah here I am living' out my dream

On stage at the Sands with Sammy and Dean

seems like I'm going over well

but I can't really tell ...

ah what the hell

 

Well this dame comes up after the show, fine as can be

says I really love the way you sing "Come Fly with Me"

so I discreetly offered her my motel room key

thats when a couple fellas in dark suits 

started glaring at me ...

 

soon after I began to wonder

perhaps I'd made a fatal blunder 
Then I got whacked behind a dumpster

Whack! Whack!

 

That was the end of my extraordinary life

turns out the dame was the mob boss's wife ...

 

they pump me full of lead and down I fall

I guess I'm not so lucky after all

But When they counted all the bullet holes 

there were 21 in all

Blackjack! 

 

And now I love performing nightly!

Up here my star is shining brightly

And me and Frank are hanging tightly

At that great, casino in the sky!!

Blackjack!

Yeah, dig it man! Blackjack!

CANADIAN GEESE

Canadian geese on the golf course

Canadian geese in the parking lot of walmart

Canadian geese


they gonna take over your back yard

gonna trap you inside your house

and only those with the long black necks

will decide when you’re coming out

they’re gonna lay waste to your garden

have a field day on your lawn

your patio is now their playground

raising hell from dusk till dawn

 

Canadian Geese on the golf course

Canadian Geese in the parking lot of walmart

Canadian Geese, hangin' out before migration

Canadian Geese, flying south in V formation

Canadian Geese

 

It was the night to take out the trash cans

and set em out on the street

but when I peeked outside my window

there was a fat one looking at me

I moved with caution and precision

I knew I had to make it fast

you know I almost made it back inside

till he ran over, flew up and bit me in the  ...

 

GUITAR SOLO

 

Canadian geese will normally not attack

unless they feel their young are in danger  

 

but if you do inadvertently approach their young they will

advance towards you in an aggressive posture

 

these geese have adapted to living in modern cities largly due

to an abundance of food and an absence of predators

 

So I would stay away, so very far away, if I were you ...

 

Canadian Geese on the golf course

Canadian Geese in the parking lot of walmart

Canadian Geese, hangin' out before migration

Canadian Geese, flying south in V formation

Canadian Geese

 

 

SPARK PLUG OMELETTE

I get up, and build a house

I lift a truck with my bare hands

and then I go workout 

I wrestle a bear, chop down a tree 

I grab a steel girder and I bust it over my knee

I build a dam, I dig a mine

I climb a telephone pole and now

I’m swinging from the lines

I walk slow, and drive fast
I chug a quart of coffee

Then I go and kick some ass

 

And every morning

When I get up

I start my day

By making myself a spark plug omelette

spark plug omelette 

 

check out my biceps, right here

they’re roughly the diameter

of a rented keg of beer

and speaking of booze, I own this town

Gimme a fifth of Jim Beam and

watch me slam it down

I am the king of barbecue 

I will kill, skin and grill whatever

and eat until I puke 

I climb Mt Everest, every week

I wear the badge of brawn

and I fly the flag of freak 

 

And every morning

When I get up

I start my day

by making myself a spark plug omelette

spark plug omelette

 

You can hate me all day long

sing your tender little song

'till something bad starts going down

that's when you'll want me around

 

Then I get up

and take my girl

I hop in my zamboni

and I go and save the world 

 

And every morning

I start my day

by making myself a spark plug omelette

spark plug omelette

I

NATHAN'S RESEALABLE BAG

Nathan's resealable bag

Nobody wants to know what's in it

Nathan's resealable bag

I'm ok with gross but I got my limits

Nathan’s resealable bag

It's wrong … there ain’t no other way to spin it

Nathan’s resealable bag

Pardon me here I just need a minute

    

Nathan's resealable bag

I’m not really sure and I might be trippin’

Nathan's resealable bag

but looks to me like maybe it’s drippin’

Nathan's resealable bag

I’m fine right now but I could be slipping’

Nathan’s resealable bag

Looks like it's oozing out and stickin'

 

Is it a bulging biohazard in a sack?

Or some seaweed/plankton based organic snack?

A glowing, ghastly, God forsaken sludge?
Man I'm at a loss, you be the judge ...

Some pasty, pale provisions in a pouch?

Or assorted odd bits found inside his couch

Whatever it is he carries it with pride

Is it fine or is it foul …. I can't decide

 

hit ‘em up, hit ‘em up now Nathan 

hit ‘em up, hit ‘em up

hit ‘em up, hit ‘em up now Nathan 

hit ‘em up, hit ‘em up

Walter!

 

PIANO SOLO

 

Nathan's resealable bag

He got on a plane so they had to check it

Nathan's resealable bag

Everybody's day, Nathan 'bout to wreck it

Nathan's resealable bag

People jumpin' off, on the ground they crashin'

Nathan's resealable bag

Nathan just sittin' back in his seat laughin'

BRAND NEW CHAOS!

I am the Duke of Disinformation

The Don of Dumb

The Dean of Discontent

I manufacture stress and aggravation 

and every day I get to do it again 

 

I look around 

and see what’s good

and then I say

this just can’t stay!

so I create 

 

Brand new chaos

Brand new chaos

There will be no day off

From brand new chaos

 

I dig disaster, failure and catastrophe

Drama, scandal, disarray and blame

I really love unfounded allegations 

If and when the truth comes out well it’s too late 

 

I look around 

and see what works

then I decree

this shall not be!

so because of me 

 

CHORUS 

 

we’re the clowns who run this show

and tear the stuff that’s working down 

your little toy life

we’ll bend and twist and turn it inside out

Inside out, upside down

Inside out, upside down

Inside out, upside down

Inside out, upside down

Inside out

I look around 

and see what’s good

and then I say

this just can’t stay!

so I create 

 

CHORUS

 

we’re the clowns who run this show

and tear the stuff that’s working down 

your little toy life

we’ll bend and twist and turn it inside out

Upside down, inside out

Upside down, inside out