THE ​BELLE ISLE RATS

Motor City Surfin’

"CKLW, The Motor City"

 

It's 5:00 AM in Shelby Township

I'm not working at GM today

Toss my board in the back of that Jimmy

Gonna drive downtown where the big river waits

       

With each abandoned house I pass

l'm anticipatin' big wet fun

and I don't even care that the waves will be as flatter

Than an EKG of Coleman Young    

 

CHORUS

So here we go!
Surfin' in the Motor City

So here we go!

Surfin' in the Motor City

 

I observed a patch of floating sludge

At the mouth of the River Rouge

Then I saw a rat swimming back to shore

and man that thing was huge

 

The E-Coli and mercury

Kinda make me wheeze and cough-a

Say, there bobs a pale floater!

Might that be Jimmy Hoffa?

 

CHORUS

 

From the shores of Belle Isle

I surfed over to the Canadian side

Wiped out and got pummeled

near the Windsor tunnel

But Oh Baby What a ride!

What a ride! Oh, what a ride!

(we're going surfing today,

we're going surfing today)

 

CHORUS

 

Hangin' ten on the shores of Ecorse

It's pumpin' in Wyandotte today

Gonna sail past Melvindale

Surfs up! Surfs up !

 

OCD

Put your red shoes on

and at 6:08

I'll be there to pick you up

Don't even be one second late

'cause if its 6:09

I'll have to change my tie

Put on a different jacket

and wash my hands a hundred times

 

I'm a man who's standing tall

I'm a man who sees it all

Yeah, I'm the man who deals with things

No one else can see

 

So do you love me?

Yeah, yeah, do you love me?

Do you love me and my OCD

 

We're at a 5 star place

but there's something on your face

and your salad fork and spoon

are 6 degrees out of place

Now it's the end of the night

And the moment's so right

I found a prime number counting

Your nose hairs in the moonlight

 

I'm a man who's loads of fun

I'm a man who get's it done

I'm the man who takes care of things

no one else can see

 

CHORUS

 

It's not always so hard

I've gotten good at counting cards

if you're curious about, the lifespan of a trout

or the population of El Paso

I'll know

(He's know's all kinda crap like that ...)

 

So do you love me?

Yeah, yeah, do you love me?

Do you love me and my OCD

 

 

Out Of Focus Man

Your eyes are not deceiving' you

I'm blurry

 

I make people rub their eyes

clean their glasses, and return their expensive still & video cameras

I make people turn their heads

like a dog who hears an odd sound 

or a freeway rubbernecker passing by a wreck

 

But I'm like any guy

prideful of my barbecue,

I'll turn off televised women's golf 

with the speed of an Indy pit crew

dumb ideas, I'll hatch 'em

when it 's hot I'll scratch 'em

you see me reachin' for my beer

but my features are unclear

 

'Cause I'm the out of focus man

ain't no hocus pocus man

i could have a mouthful of locusts man

and you'd never even notice man 

 

I hang out with a lot of drunks 

'cause they don't seem to mind

all my true friends have glasses, cataracts

glaucoma or are legally blind

I make some folks uncomfortable 

'cause there's no emotion showin'

I could be smiling or frowning or smirking

But man they got no way of knowin' 

 

I fit in best I can

Bringing pizza and a sixer

Ive tried so many things to be sharp

but there just ain't no way to fix 'er

dumb ideas, I'll hatch 'em

when it 's hot I'll scratch 'em

you see me reachin' for my beer

but my features are unclear

 

CHORUS

 

Your eyes are not deceiving' you

I'm blurry

It's messed up man

 

CHORUS

 

Your eyes are not deceiving' you

I'm blurry

It's messed up man

 

 

I Grew a Second Head

Well it started as a mole

But soon grew out of control

By Monday it had wicked morning breath

By Friday it was talking

and no amount of walking

Could remove me from this fate far worse than death

                                      

and now it's

two times the pain

two times the jacked up freakball I've become

two times the self deprication

the loss to temptation, and I wish that I was dead

Since I grew a second head

                       

His sarcasm was biting

Every moment we were fighting

Suffering radical opinions was not fun

Be it climate change or God

Race relations or jihad

Yeah he was to my left in more ways than one

             

CHORUS

  

This isn't gonna work, no way

This isn't gonna fly, no son

I'm gonna punch the next pathetic schlub who tells me

two heads are better than one

               

Yes I know it was extreme

Meeting with that rogue regime

and explaining this had gone on far too long

Did it hurt? The answer's yes

and it made an awful mess

but two minutes and one steak knife and he was gone

 

now no more

two times the pain

two times the jacked up freakball I've become

two times the self deprication

the loss to temptation, and I'm glad that he is dead

Since I grew a second head

 

 

Bird Court

"I find these birds guilty as charged!"

 

You see that grackle over there

that filthy flying feathered freak is the source of my despair

then there's that Cardinal in the tree

this crimson crested chirping chump is the cause of my misery

 

That's why I'm taking them to

Bird Court

Gonna take a deposition and get an expert witness

Bird Court

and we're going to trial to get a conviction

Bird Court

There's gonna be an indictment and litigation

Bird Court

But they're in lockdown so they don't become a flight risk

 

Man I've so had it with sea gulls

These festering, foul, flying rats, they just leave me repulsed

Don't even get me started on blue jays 

Those scheming, squawking SOB's are making me insane

 

CHORUS

 

These inmate jailbirds

are gonna get what they deserve

Migration days are over, from now on life is hard

The only flying south they'll do is in a prison yard

 

SOLO

 

CHORUS