THE ​BELLE ISLE RATS

LOAF

I simply cannot eat anything 

unless it's in the form of a loaf

 

Whether it's steak or key lime pie

Corned beef or pastrami on rye

Before I take even just one bite

It must be made into a loaf

 

Doesn't matter if it's take out or homemade

Whether deep fried or sauteed

Be it toast and marmalade 

It must be made into a loaf

 

CHORUS

Come on and eat your loaf

Come on and eat your loaf

before it gets cold

Come on and eat your loaf

Come on and eat your loaf

before it grows mold

It's gotta be brown and crunchy around the edges

It's gotta be firm enough to cut up into wedges

 

Every pot luck and barbecue

Super Bowl party or dinner for two

Seaside lunch in Malibu

I will show up with a loaf

 

Whatever's on my plate

Even if it's birthday cake

There is simply no debate

It must be made into a loaf

 

CHORUS

 

Won't raise my voice or cause a scene

I'll be cool, I'll keep it clean

and promise not to do anything obscene

As long as they serve me a loaf

 

Guitar solo

 

It's gotta be brown and crunchy around the edges

It's gotta be firm enough to cut up into wedges

 

 

Come on and eat your loaf

Come on and eat your loaf

before it gets cold

Come on and eat your loaf

Come on and eat your loaf

before it grows mold

 

Come on and eat your loaf

Come on and eat your loaf

 

 

Mowin’ The Lawn

Yeah, baby

 

These days when you hear me rappin'

It's gonna be about my Briggs & Stratton

Gonna make it happen

Blade against grass be slappin' (ho!)

Got a self propelled rear bagger

Mulching' my yard with Sinatra swagger (my way)

Gonna show all these jackass taggers

A lawn so lush & green

You know I'm gonna be braggin'

(I'm gonna be braggin')

 

Got a diamond encrusted Rolex

20 pounds of gold hangin from my neck

While I'm puttin down a bag of Scotts Turf Builder

Are you bewildered?

Uh oh, there's a patch of crabgrass

What's up with that?

Little tall fescue to the rescue

Now it's lookin phat

 

Yeah I'm mowin' the lawn

Now what do you think about that?

I'm mowin the lawn

How do you like me now

I'm mowin the lawn

Don't dis a man with a Toro in hands  

You better show some respect

Better not neglect

Feel the effect

That's right, I'm mowin the lawn

Hey

 

Big grass stains all over my pants

still hangin' way below my (bleep)

Remove that cap and smell the gas

Take the clippings and put 'em in the trash

(put 'em in the trash)

 

My gold teeth are a shining phenom

Grass stained Nikes are still the bomb

Yeah, baby I got it goin' on (ho!)

I'm sportin' my bling, while the lawn mower sings 

it's lone mechanical song

 

I'm mowin' the lawn

What do you think about that

I'm mowin the lawn

Yeah, how do you like me now

I'm mowin the lawn

Don't dis the man with a Toro in hands  

You better show some respect

Better not neglect

Feel the effect

I'm mowin the lawn 

 

Yeah baby, I'm mowin' the lawn

Hey

 

Mow cracker! I say mow, cracker, mow now!

Mow cracker! I say mow cracker, mow now!

Mow cracker! I say mow, cracker, mow now!

You better show some respect

Better not neglect

Feel the effect

I'm mowin the lawn 

 

 

Marvin Has A Blowtorch

Marvin has a blowtorch

He uses it in strange and novel ways, yeah

Sittin on the front porch

He's torchin' bugs and keepin' cats away, yeah

 

Pint sized man, fire in hand

Four foot three, pit bulls flee

There's no peace, scares the police

Therapists, they all quit

 

Here comes Marvin now

Down let your guard down 

for one second

 

Marvin has a blowtorch

the odd dwarf is certifiably insane

Better hold down your fort

No tellin' what's about to burst in flames

 

Old man Jones' Suburu

Was one big barbecue

Mrs Hall's fine chrome balls

Will be missed, burnt to a crisp

 

Here comes Marvin now

Don't let your guard down 

For one second

 

Marvin has a blowtorch

Yes he does

Got a blowtorch baby, blowtorch yeah

Marvin has a blowtorch

Yes he does, yes he does yeah

Got a blowtorch now

 

Here comes Marvin now

Don't let your guard down 

For one second

 

 

The Garbageman of Van Nuys

I stink, I swear

I have sardines in my hair

But I never miss a day of work

I scowl, I'm fowl

Unfamiliar with a towel

Oh I'm at home with slime and dirt

I'm the garbage man of Van Nuys

 

My truck, has charm

and a large robotic arm

to hoist the trash from every house

and down, the street

lives the gal I'd love to meet

how I long for her to be my spouse

Mrs. garbage man of Van Nuys

 

although my nature is reserved

I finally summoned up the nerve

To tell her how I truly feel

 

Oh you're the subject of my dreams

I long to have you here with me!

Oh but I could never date a fellow

Whose breath is death and teeth are yellow

 

Might I have a chance with you?

Or even just a dance with you?

Oh it can never be, I fear

For chunks of cheese are in your beard

 

Your loveliness is all I see

Might I stop in for some tea?

Your clothes are filthy, stained and tattered

Your scent is strong, like fecal matter

 

With me is where you belong

Your nose hair is four inches long

To you I'd be forever loyal

Your skin a mass of warts and boils

You're a peach, fresh and sweet

Your man boobs hang like sides of beef

 

You must be mine!

But you are swine

I must have you!

Then I shall stab you

 

My passion for you has no border

I've filed a restraining order

You're the loveliest I've ever seen

My husband is an ex marine 

 

Oh no she's married

My dream is buried

Could hari Kari

Be the only way out for me

I guess this love was never meant to be

 

I tried, love died

But I still have my pride

And mementos from my true loves trash

Spent bags of tea

Chicken bones and Lean Cuisine

In her rubbish I shall always bask

'cause I'm the garbage man of Van Nuys

I'm The garbage man of Van Nuys

 

"Excellent, Bravo, Jolly Good, Well done!

Not too shabby!

Very good indeed, I have to say!

It didn't suck

Well, parts of it did ..."