THE BELLE ISLE RATS
America's Kings of the Odd Song
LYRICS
Raymond is a Badass Once a Year
His clothes are neat, his Nissan’s clean
looks a bit like Mr Bean
His manner meek, his nature soft
Oh He’ll suppress that trouser cough
But every summer for just one week
This modest milk dud blows off steam
He rents a Harley and he rides it like a crazy man
He throws it up and everywhere until it hits the fan
Fake tats, shaved head, so rad
Man bad, man bad, man bad
He’s got no worries, no stress, no fear
Raymond is a badass once a year
Oh once a year
Back at home, he makes his bed
Packs a sandwich with multigrain bread
Goes unnoticed while at work
Conceals his odd ball-scratching quirk
Then August comes and now it’s time
To turn into that alpha guy
CHORUS
I was a badass here tonight
I am out of sight
and if my boss could see me now
she’d be saying “wow!”
I’ll post a selfie for my fans
Those seven friends on Instagram
Back to the Motel 6 to park
Unsafe riding after dark
Cruisin' into town flanked by my platoon
I am rockin' One Eyed Jack's Saloon
Decked in leather clothes, out for fun and thrills
I am so the king of these Black Hills
CHORUS
Ann B Davis
She'd never try to tell you what to think
'cause she was an actress
who didn't know everything
She never rode the prima donna train
Yeah she was a grown up
and she had a brain
She's walkin’ around at the Brady house
pickin' up the stuff that the kids left out
keeping it cool while chaos reigns
Jan and Peter fight but she won't complain
If I could be any person in the world
Any man, woman, boy or girl
If I could give someone else's life a whirl
It'd be Ann B Davis, Ann B Davis
She left it all to go work for a church
till her public relations
were down to a blurb
She understood the shallowness of fame
and she was happy to stay
inside of that middle frame
She's walking around in the Brady house
pickin' up the stuff that the kids left out
keeping it cool while chaos reigns
Greg and Marsha fight but she won't complain
If I could be any person in the world
Any man, woman, boy or girl
If I could give someone else's life a whirl
It'd be Ann B Davis
If I could go back to the 70's
assume someone else's identity
There's just one person that I'd wanna be
and that's Ann B Davis
Ann B Davis
She wants to get to know you
Know all about you
She's walking around in the Brady house
pickin' up the stuff that the kids left out
keeping it cool while chaos reigns
Greg and Marsha fight but she won't complain
CHORUS
Stupid Future
The night was dark, I fell asleep
and drifted off into a dream
and what I saw, I could not believe
seems its no longer 1943 ...
Well its the darnedest thing I've ever seen
everybody staring down at their own tiny screens
wearing the most revealing, peculiar clothes
with tattoos and shiny metal objects in their nose
Seems like everyone's a diva
with historical amnesia
and what's the big idea with antifa?
here in this stupid future
I read about the future in comic books when I was a kid
But I never ever thought that it would turn out like it did
Why is everybody screaming, swearing, arguing about everything?
And this noise that they call music, man it just doesn't swing
Well it's bright and loud and dazzling
but it seems to be unravelling
Not sure I want to be traveling here
to this this Stupid Future
Instrumental break
The radios have no static
their devices work like magic
but its shallow, dumb and tragic, seems to me
here in this stupid future
This age is totally whack
Feels like I’ve been to hell and back
Some people just need a good smack
and whats with all this gender crap?
The drama and chaos, man it's tough
But yeah they’ve got some cool stuff
Even so, I've had enough
and won't be coming back
to this stupid future
Me & My Corndog
Me and my corndog
we met at the county fair
Now I'm eating' 'em everywhere
Me and my corndog
texture’s oh so fine
I’m eatin 'em all the time
Most folks would call me a foodie
who can be just a little bit snooty
'cause I won't be caught dead
in a Ruby Tuesday’s
I know what's good for me
Organic and gluten free
I'd rather chop off my head
than ever eat at a Denny's
I've got a secret food love
and my friends must never know
'cause if anybody ever finds out
then here come the trolls
here come the trolls
Me and my corndog
we met at the county fair
Now I'm eating' 'em everywhere
Me and my corndog
flavor's oh so fine
Don't care if I'm outta line
It's heaven on a stick
A big mouthful of bliss
Bobby Flay or Thomas Keller
ain't got nothin' on this
and at the end of the day
Gonna pair it up with something great
Heading' down to the wine cellar
for a nice chardonnay
I've got a secret food love
and my friends must never know
'cause if anybody ever finds out
then here come the trolls
here come the trolls
CHORUS
Corn dogs are just so wonderful
that I eat 'em at home
and I eat 'em at work
I'm past the point of caring
Corndogs are meant for sharing
CHORUS
First World Problem
No cell phone service in Beverly Hills
10 minute wait for a treadmill
Trader Joe’s is out of the good merlot
Took a loss on my portfolio
My iPhone battery’s down to 12 percent
Purebred pup just had an accident
Starbucks drive thru lane just takes forever
Housekeeper showed up late, whatever
First World problem
Look I found one
Where’s my shotgun
First World Problem
the guy at the Tesla dealership was rude
Can’t find any decent Indian food
My summer home needs eco friendly paint
I know I should be happy but I ain’t
my vintage Steinway grand is out of tune
too many people on the beach here in Cancun
everybody’s trying to pull my lever
Life coach just makes it worse, whatever
CHORUS
We like the look, we love the group
Oh won't you come and save us?
The other side, the evil guys
want to overtake us
with common sense
Gender non-conforming
non binary, gotta smash the patriarchy
Racist, sexist, intersectionality
privilege, white supremacy
gender bias, non-inclusive
common sense elusive
socialism, communism, aneurism
tiny prism
shut 'em down, no debate,
echo chamber, faker, hater
whatever ...
CHORUS
High Level Math
Born and raised in Mobile
and it ain’t no big deal
but I never fit in
when my buddies were fishin’
I had a different ambition
Playin' around in base 10
I prefer decimals to drinkin’
I'll be on my front porch swing just thinkin'
and I'd rather divide than take a midnight ride
in a pickup truck with a girlfriend
I’ll do some ...
Long division, multiplication
addition, subtraction
Complex calculations
Calculus and differential equations
Yeah I'm an Alabama abberation
My buddies all think I'm headin'
down the wrong path
'cause I like to stay at home doin'
High level math
Chuck's an ex city slicker
Who wanted to make liquor
but he didn't know how
and Ol' Hanks tractor
a rusty old scrapper
Well it just kept breakin' down
and so I did some computations
and fixed both of their situations
Now Charlie's Bourbon was born
and good ol' Hank is shuckin' corn
Yeah the Number Ninja does it again
Because I did some ...
CHORUS
Around 3:00 am, I get a call from Clem
Him and Buck are lost, they got their signals crossed
Took a few wrong turns, and now they're both concerned
Can't find their way back from the honky tonk
Dragged myself out of bed, tracked them with GPS
Triangulated their position tryin to end their expedition
Told them to turn back, make a left at the shack
and now they're on the road
Happy to be headin' home
GUITAR SOLO
Long division, multiplication
addition, subtraction
Complex calculations
Calculus and differential equations
Yeah I'm an Alabama abberation
and now my friends all know
just what saved their ass
It was their nerdy buddy
and some High level math
Oh high level math oh
i just want the right answer
high level math
for my buddies and me
1 and 1 is 2, 2 and 2 is 4, 3 and 3 is 6
and so on and so on ....